How dandy are you?

There is a test that proposes that dandyism is something that can be quantifiably measured, with certain dandy characteristics assigned a numeric value, and certain tastes, habits, skills and opinions ranked according to how closely they match the dandy ideal.

Readers may be reminded of the scene in “Dead Poets Society” in which a pedantic textbook author argues that poems can be charted on an X and Y graph based on greatness of execution and greatness of subject, with Swinburne, for example, scoring high in the one but not the other.

We should state that part of what makes the fraternity of dandyism (whose numbers, as this test reveals, may be smaller than we thought) so fascinating is that its lore is a combination of both historical figures and literary characters. Each of these questions is based in some way on dandy tradition, whether in fact or fiction.

The referred test lavishly rewards qualities that are rare and ideal — such as being independently wealthy and residing in London — and strongly penalizes egregious breaks from this ideal, such as the banality of using a Toyota Camry to shuttle around children who may, at any moment, vomit on one’s flannel.

It also penalizes extreme divergences from contemporary taste, such as the donning of spats and a monocle.

Some further examples:

It is important to distinguish what is upper class from what is dandy. When it comes to sport, polo may be upper class, but boxing and fencing were practiced by many dandies in fact and fiction. Being unathletic certainly has its precedent in dandy tradition, such as Cecil in “A Room with a View,” though he was a dandy caricature.

The poor will find that it is indeed better to be rich, while the young will find that dandyism is something that reaches its fullest effect later in life. And while some may feel that their finances, youth and geographic location are things over which they have little control, and that they are being penalized by a cruelty of fate, they will also find that they are rewarded for possessing a dandy sensibility, which is free of cost and calls the whole world its home.

The apprentice who wishes to attain full dandyhood should focus his efforts not on scoring big points, since financial independence and a London residence are not easily attained, but instead on ways of avoiding negative points.

A passing score is 70 percent, for it stands to reason that one must possess 7/10s of the ideal (a little over two-thirds) to be considered an example of the type.

Finally, said test is for entertainment purposes only.