Shanghai English - Chinese hotel brochure .......
A friend went to Shanghai recently and was given this brochure by the hotel.
It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….
Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport.
The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel
pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the
hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in
the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new
guests.
The Hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are
very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly
skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.
Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to
others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in
the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to
play with them self.
The Restaurant: Our menus have been
carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet
will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your
Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In
winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of
outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise,
since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you
have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take
advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts,
blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above all: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."
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